First Day Jitters (For mom, not the kid!)

The first time, or day for anything can be nerve wracking. The unknown is known to be a scary place. My oldest is 4 1/2. He wanted to attend preschool this year. We went this summer to meet the teachers, see the school. Ya know, the stuff you do to prepare your child for the transition. Okay... Let's face it. It was to prepare myself. We spent the summer also school shopping and of course, Bentley ends up with more clothes than I even own. (or that he can probably wear) The night before, he picked an outfit. Picked his snacks and got everything just right for his first day. He even picked his 'fancy shoes' to wear.

Morning comes. 7am hits and I wake him. He's up out of that bed like the house is on fire. I had to practically beg him to eat breakfast because he couldn't contain his excitement. We made it through breakfast with half a waffle. Yes, I said half. Then came the debate on if he REALLY has to wear underwear and socks to school as hes barely worn them all summer. Mom won the battle and he was completely dressed head to toe! He had me pack a nasty ketchup cheese sandwich. My one thought is 'OMG, his teacher is going to think I'm an awful mother for feeding my kid this!" It's his go to lunch though. Every single day almost. YUCK, but at least he's eating right?

When we got to school, his brothers just had to go in to see him off to his first day. My child hit the classroom running! He was off instantly to play and make friends as mom was left standing by his little cubby with his backpack. When it was time for me to leave, I had to result back to the begging. Begging for a hug and a good bye. He could of cared less. He was in his glory! His 2 year old brother was also making himself at home and mom had to lug him out kick and screaming (HOW FUN!) I sat around my house with the other 3 kids the first day completely lost. Nervous even. What was he doing? Was he having fun? Had he made friends? Was my little boy using his manners and being good?

All day, I tortured myself with these questions. Just to have Bentley get in the car and yell 'BEST DAY EVERRRR!' What a relief! Day two was very similar. He even asked why he had to have weekends off. He feels he should go to school every single day because it is fun! (way to make mom feel boring!) We are currently on day 3 and I still have the jitters about my baby being gone. I ask myself why? Why am I like this? He loves school so I should relax. I've come to realize, it's because hes my first. My first born, My first one going to school and leaving 247 mom care. He's the first child that I had to leave in the NICU at night. Back when he was born, we didn't have that nice option to stay overnight. You had to leave. I left him for 21 days. Every single night. I couldn't be there 247 and that is what him going to school reminds me of. I'm not there. To wipe tears, hear his giggle, answer his million questions or deal with his meltdowns.

I hope that it gets easier, I know it will. Just not today, probably not tomorrow either! I know I'm not the only parent who feels this way. So remember, we are all in this together and these tiny humans we are raising will be okay without us. We've taught them to be. Now to teach myself to be okay without him!